Wednesday, July 14, 2010

do you ever forget to breath?

Some of you might know what I mean. You get in a situation where you're whole body is on guard and after a little while you start feeling light headed and the blood starts rushing in your ears and you blood sugar drops and makes you shaky. You might not feel like your adrenaline is pumping and you might not feel all tide up in knots but you get to a point you have to sit down or you think you might pass out. Ever have that?

I went to the vet's clinic this morning to take Ash out for a walk so he could relieve himself. Yep doing the vet tech's job but I was anxious all night wondering how he'd come out and was there first thing this morning (as soon as my aunt could get her to watch the 2yr old) helping Ash's case. I sat on the floor with his head in my lap as they gave him the first shot of anesthesia to put him out. I'm sure he was happy that I was there, I can only imagine the anxiety he was feeling. After about 10 minutes I helped carry him to the surgery table. Then stood and watched as they prepped him. I don't know how long I'd stood there watching them shave and prep his wounds and snake a prob from one end of the wound to the other. No I don't get queasy, blood is a pretty normal part of farming or life in general if you have pets and/or kids and/or livestock. I have all the above so I'm way past queasy from the site of blood.

Eventually I had to take a step outside the clinic for some air. I feel kinda silly but I've been told my doctors before I tend to hold my breath when I'm anxious. I've had a lot of bad news from doctors throughout my life so just sitting in a doctors office can get me not breathing right. It strikes me as humorous when a nurse reminds me to breath. I guess that's pretty normal though (maybe not, I don't know). Probably why I always feel so exhausted after dealing with bad news. Probably why I avoid people in general because they make me anxious. I know, I'm weird.

Now it's time to just hurry up and wait till I can go pick the dog up from the vet. He'll get to live in the house again until he heals up. He use to be a house dog up till about a year ago. He does fine either way, he's a great protector and knows he's spose to stay home. Poor guy will probably have to live with a cone or neck brace so he cant bend around and pull out the drain tubes. 

Now that I know he's going to be fine I'm finally letting myself think of how much the whole ordeal is going to cost. I didn't let myself think about it yesterday because it's the farthest thing from your mind when there's an emergency. Reality is that's going to be a huge issue now though. I really need something distracting and just deal with it when it's time. Know the feeling? What a mess. Things really went two steps backwards the last couple of weeks. On the bright side things should start looking up. Three steps forward two steps back. Sounds like a country dance huh? Add a couple of spins and twists in there and that's my life. 

Thanks for the ear.. I think I'm gonna go weed the garden.. that got interrupted by yesterdays catastrophic events. Boy, I'm tired. 

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