Friday, July 30, 2010

If you were wondering...

I haven't been around lately. I've been dealing with a bit of depression or something like it. Life kinda took a nose dive and I've been trying to set it straight. I've been avoiding the internet and all things online for a while now, even stopped looking at my email box. Bad huh? Anyways. I'll work through it and be back in action before you know it. Until then hope life is treating ya'll to something special.

Sunday, July 18, 2010

back on track...


last night was my normal "date night". Up until last week I hadn't really shared date night with you but since I was getting in a slump with the garden and farm stuff I figured it was time to change the beat a little bit. Ya know. Give you something to laugh about (my love life). So last Saturday was the idea of letting you into the world I call dating. I know it isn't spose to be such a dramatic or even comical "thing" but in my life, so far, it has been quite the adventure. Even I have learned to have a sense of humor about the whole thing and kept at it, if not for love then for the laughs. 

Last week as you all have gathered was... um... unexpected to put it nicely. It kinda shook me too the core and made me question a lot. I know to some it may seem like so little but I've come to learn to appreciate even the tiniest of "things" and to me it held some pretty big significance. To say the least. Anyways it's left me in quite the slump. Wondering if I should seek professional help for how "low" it got me. Not that I could afford that. Ha ha. I won't go into it too deep but it sums up to a mortgage payment lost and the month is only half over. But the good news is... it can only get better. It will only get better!

So Saturday night I made last minute plans. After ditching the dude from last week cause I really didn't think I would step foot outta my house (outta the house means off the farm cause I can't avoid not leaving the house, with 4 dozen poultry to feed and a dozen livestock) until Monday (deliveries). I felt bad about canceling on him but I realized if I was going to get outta my slump I had to get outta the house. And after last weeks excitement I couldn't afford it. So I needed a date. Which I hate to admit it but that's not hard to find. (I am on Match by the way so a date is a click away)

Anyways. So I was in such a glum I knew I had to go out but didn't want to bother a good impression with my problems (last weeks date) so I found someone "safe" to buy me a beer. You know "safe"? The kind that you're pretty sure won't make you regret the evening. I've had far too many dates that ended in wishing I'd just gone out alone. 

It was kinda nice. I certainly don't regret it. Certainly glad I didn't sit at home and mope all night Saturday. I am glad I didn't bug last weeks first impression with it though. Saturday night was very empathetic and just seemed to get it. Ya know? Maybe just a genuine nice guy. Those are hard to come by. Anyways. We're going fishing Tuesday. Yea. The kids have vacation bible school so they'll be at my aunts most of the week so I'm going to enjoy my kidlessness (is that a word?) with fishing. Thought I'd take "safe" with me. 

I love good company. 

Anyways. I'm still kinda in a slump. I've been trying to talk myself out of it but I think like any cold or illness the stresses of last week just need to be given time. So I'll just take it one day at a time. I'll convince myself in the meantime I have to get outta bed and I have to do the farm chores and I have to feed the kids. Above and beyond that may suffer a bit till I climb outta this hole but eventually I'll be back to my normal self. 


Until next time.

Hope ya all had a great weekend!

Thursday, July 15, 2010

I should be sleeping...

I'm keeping the old guy company.
Someone actually said I shoulda just had him put down if I couldn't afford the bill.
That's insane.
I might as well crawl under a rock if I just give up at every step backwards.
Ya know?
Who does that?
I certainly felt like giving up yesterday.
All my hard work and efforts amount to notta because I don't have cash in the bank.
I'm wealthier than alot of rich people because of the choices I've made.
To stay home and be a mom to my kids.
To fight the good fight.
Ya know?
Sure I might not be able to buy everything I want.
But I remember even my inlaws when I was married, they were really well off, made lots of money and could buy anything they wanted. Turns out they were sitting on tens of thousands of dollars of debt.
I can say I don't have that kind of debt.
I don't have the luxury to go out and buy anything I want either.
Is it worth it?
To be able to buy whatever you want even though you're debt is almost a years salary?
As my youngest gets over her medical problems I'll start building up that emergency fund again.
This won't always be an issue.
I truly believe in my heart it shouldn't have been an issue.
To be kicked while you're down?
My family is back together again. 
Soon we'll be healthy and running around like we use to.
We'll forget about the injustice that was dealt.
We'll start to believe that human beings are good and want nothing more than to help their fellow man.
Sorry, I got a little mellow dramatic there.
To those of you who have a dog, kiss em on the nose.
To those of you who don't have a dog, your dh or dw might like a kiss on the nose.
If you have none of the above, go find a dog who needs a home.
I need to go make a batch of yogurt for my dog. He's on a lot of antibiotics and I want to keep him healthy.
Yogurt is a good way to get em to take antibiotics (if you didn't know).

Boy am I exhausted.
Mental stress is a lot harder than physical stress.
I'm telling you.
It doesn't help that yesterday while I was waiting to get my dog back I spent hours in the garden weeding and pulling grass along the edges.
I work harder than I should when I'm stressed out.

I think I'm going to lay down on the sofa next to the dog and watch a marathon of Jaws until I can sleep.

Hope ya all had a nice day!

Ash is home...

Well my dear old doggy is home.
What an ordeal.
As you can see it's not over yet,
at least he's home though.
That carpet is going to need a good shampooin' when it's all over.

Wednesday, July 14, 2010


Perspective is a strange and intriguing creature. Yea, I know it's not a creature but it's a habit, creature of habit? Bear with me, or is it bare with me? So after posting here in my distraught state of mind. My head hurts, all I can see is my dog being put down because I can't come up with the bill in time. I know, you tend to think the worse when you're stressing out, right? I think it's human. Anyways. So perspective is something I learned a little bit about in philosophy. Yea way over my head. So after posting here about my dog eat dog day (not so punny) I posted seeking advice on a forum I read quite often. It's nice to get immediate feedback. I'm a logical person and realistic (when it doesn't come to my dog, ha). 

Although it doesn't relieve my stress about getting my doggy back I can understand the mistrust that the veterinarian would have for a customer taking her dog and walking out the door. No it doesn't put my mind at ease though. The only one who really gives a damn about the dog is sitting here dogless and stressed out. I'm hard working and mean well, as anyone who knows me knows but of course that doesn't help those who don't know me. Trust is a difficult thing sometimes. All I see is someone taking something from me that means so much more than they could possibly understand. To me it's cruel. It's mean. It's selfish. To them it's another day on the job. Who cares about feelings. They want money. Which is such a disgusting subject. I think I'm allergic to it cause it makes me ill everytime it comes up. Seems like hard work means nothing if you don't make sure to get a dollar for your efforts. You can't buy anything with hard work but you can for the dollar. I know hard work is what makes good people but I'm frustrated.

This week hasn't been nice to me. I'm drowning in it. I know next week will be better but it's hard to see right now. That's my perspective. 

I'm just rambling. My head hurts and I can't sleep. I'm trying to figure out what I can pawn off for the payment without making my girls go without. Why should I have to choose? I know, I'm just blowing off steam again. 

Hopefully my next post will be about my lousy dating or something a little more humorous. 

Hope ya all had a nice day,