Monday, July 13, 2009

I’m often heard saying that being a mom is the only thing I’m great at. Sure there are other things I can do efficiently but I don’t feel I’m great at anything besides being a mommy. (I think I was pretty good at being a wife, but seeing how I’m divorced, maybe not as good as I thought)

Today I’d like to share my kids with you. The reason why is because they are heavy on my mind due to a certain dilemma I’m facing today.
The above picture is of our little family when Elizabeth was born almost 17 months ago. Her sister was feeling all the excitement I was minus the shear terror of raising a baby with very little help.

Both my kids were born early, Michelle 8wks early spent 4wks in NICU and Elizabeth 10wks early spent 7wks in NICU. Elizabeth is extra special because she was my true test of strength and proof I could handle anything that life threw my direction.

Elizabeth was a tiny 2lbs 14oz when she was born. She was born with several birth defects that I won't go into detail her but make her a very rare and special baby. (Even if she wasn't already special enough, right?)

The first months of pregnancy with her were spent worrying after the first ultrasound revealed something scary. The 20hrs before she was born were spent terrified because I was fighting her arrival.

The first 4wks I spent praying for her to find the will to survive and thrive. The first 7wks were spent next to her incubator in the hospital, although I couldn't stay long I never missed a day, some days I even went twice.

After we got her home we were thrilled but still had a long hard fight ahead of us. While she was healthy overall her birth defects kept her small and uncomfortable.

At 9 months she went into the hospital for major reconstructive surgery that would alter and better her life dramatically. It's amazing how draining a 9day hospital stay can be. While I only lost sleep and a few hairs turned grey she lost some hard earned weight and came home a pound lighter. We were happy to have her home again though.

I've been so proud of Michelle for all the love and affection she's shown her sister; she LOVES being a big sissy! She's been as much of a mother's little helper as I've allowed. I've woken up in the morning to find she's changed Elizabeth's diaper or kept her entertained just a little bit longer so not to wake me up too early.

Michelle's been a real blessing. She's certainly made it easier to go through this whole trial of hardships and stress. She's always optimistic and never doubts that everything will turn out perfectly. Oh to have the faith of a child! I guess that is what we're suppose to strive for, right?
We're not through all of Elizabeth's problems just yet, this fall will probably see us with more surgery. For now we're doing ok. My kids have been a real blessing and thanks to them I know my true calling in life was to be a mommy.
What's prompted me to share what I did with you today? Maybe to emphasize that no one could possibly appreciate, love and care for my kids like I do.
Today I’m faced with a huge dilemma. I know for a lot of you the answer to this problem would be simple. For me however it’s going against the nature of my grain to take the easy way out, for me the easy way isn’t the right way. I’m a firm believer that mom’s should stay home and raise their kids, at the minimum till they’re in school.
I’m an advocate for all moms’ especially single moms who want nothing more than to be there for their kids, to teach them, be attentive to their needs and love them like no one else could possibly be expected to do.

Today faced with losing what little overhead I have or going to work. I don’t mind work; I run a farm work is what I do. I’m not lazy; I run a farm lazy isn’t possible. Due to this failing economy I’m losing one of my investors; long term investments are not always possible when the interest on your mortgage goes up, get laid off or have unexpected expenses. Sometimes others need the help more, simple as that. No hard feelings just reality hitting home. Ya know?

I’m determined to raise my daughters into responsible contributing citizens though. No I won’t leave them in the hands of strangers. Yes I will figure out how to make ends meet without the extra help. How is out of my reach of understanding right now but time, prayer and lots of sacrifice will see us there?

Become an advocate for mom’s who want nothing more than to raise their own children.
What can you do? Say a little prayer for my kids. Visit my blog often, I post when I have something to share or need to vent my frustrations. You can also follow one of the many advertisements on my blog page. Every click counts.
Thanks for letting me brag about my kids and share my worries. :)

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