Disappearing act...

The last couple of days I wanted to write about love and dating. Unfortunately the guy that inspired it disappeared. Have you ever had that happen to you? You go on a handful of great dates and things are looking up and poof they’re gone just like that; ignoring txt messages, ignoring phone calls. No argument lead up to it; nothing out of the ordinary. Of course you’re thinking he found someone else, which I guess could be true but that still doesn’t explain the shallowness of the disappearing act.

I read an article that gave excuses for guys disappearing for no good reason, personally I find it odd that people would really accept this form of disrespect; or hand it out. In today’s world is seems like people are not held accountable for anything they do; therefore there are no consequences to their actions. If you decide one day you don’t want to be with someone then you just start ignoring their calls. I find it mind boggling. Especially with the types of guys I’ve been finding that do this sort of thing.

I’m not the type to hang out with weak men. I don’t pick men that are pushovers or soft. I don’t pick guys who are extremely rude either though, just decent individuals. You know the type? Or at least they seem like decent individuals at the time. With the disappearing act I’m left to assume I’ve misjudged yet another guy. So where am I going wrong? How do you spot a disappearing act before you start liking him? That’s what I don’t understand.

So yea, dating and love is something I guess I’m not all that good at, otherwise you’d think that I’d have more success at it. Right?

*Picture is not of the offending disappearer; it's actually a pic of me with one of my favorite dates (almost two years ago).

Ready to tough it out...

After the baby things got a little overwhelming with school, farm and life in general so I got a couple of roommates to ease the tension (or so we were hoping).

Roommates. When you’re a single parent trying to make ends meet sometimes you find it helpful to get yourself a roommate or two. In my case the first roommate is my mother, struggling to concentrate on school work, get out to do farm chores and still having a little me time, I asked my mother to move in and help out with the kids. She came with enthusiasm. Free room and board is tempting when all you have to do is change a couple of diapers and entertain a baby throughout the day.

Roommate number two… let’s just say rent is helpful.

Anyone who’s ever lived with their mother (if you don’t get along with her) knows what a challenge it can be. All you men who’ve ever dealt with the b*tch of a mother-in-law, my mother is much worse (show appreciation, it could be worse). I find it humorous some people will give what she does a title like “abuse” saying, “You don’t have to live with the verbal abuse.” Ha! She’s my mother; of course I have to live with her abuse. I mean isn’t that what mother’s are for? Hmm…

Nah she’s not all bad. When she’s not sticking her nose in that one drawer in my bedroom that no nose belongs in (ladies you know what I’m talking about), or telling me what a bad mother I am, or how good I had it when I was married, how bad of a house keeper I am (remember most mothers like to clean up other people’s messes), or openly assumes I’m having sex with every date I go on (I have more morals than that!), she’s great. When I need to run to the grocery store she watches the kids, when I need a little time to myself I can pretend to go to the grocery store and she watches the kids (it really can take 4hrs to buy a gallon of milk!) and she’s almost always pleasant about it (as long as I have a $20 for her when I come home). I appreciate my mother (when she’s in a civil mood).

I have a long term plan with schooling, basically when the baby (now 16 months) gets into Kindergarten then I’ll be ready for a second career with benefits (working for state or fed is kind of nice if you don’t have health insurance) This long term goal gives me ample room for distractions (kids are good at distractions) and a few extracurricular activities (fly-fishing last summer, kayaking next summer). So the goal is to keep peace with mom long enough to get through school and into the start of an outside career. I’m optimistic, luckily I have a certain ability to deal with stressful situations (I don’t know who I got that trait from). So yea, mom will be sticking around for awhile (as long as I can keep on this side of sanity).

So here we are, trodding through life as best we can. Trial and error is an everyday event. The key is learning which ones are errors before they do too much damage. (I think)

Wish me luck!

What I do now a days?

So what have I been doing since becoming unemployed as a housewife? I’ve been reinventing myself to fit the role of a farmer, single mom and student. One of these days I’d like to get into the housewife role again so I date too (it’s been a real adventure). I’m now sure that being mom and housewife is what I was meant to do.

Farming, even my little 2 acres, a few alpacas and couple of chickens has been a real challenge. Something I wish I would have planned better for, though I love the challenge it’s another thing I’m certainly not a natural at. It’s a learned skill I guess (a lot of learned skills). Although it’s been hard I wouldn’t change my new lifestyle for anything. The housewife part is still a goal but I like the country lifestyle enough to want someone who’s likeminded.

Anyone who's been thrown into the single parent gig knows the challenges that come with it. For those of you who have a SO don't take them for granted. It's amazing the difference between having a lazy spouse and having no spouse. You might be surprised how much your spouse did even though you couldn't think of it at the time. Even as simple as running to the grocery store for milk is a task that is taken for granted when you don't have to pack up the kids just to do so. Though some of us had moments when spouses did nothing, there were also moments we can all look back on that we took for granted at the time.

Then the task of learning a new career to help support your kids and yourself (or for some just yourself). After a couple of years I went back to college. Picking a career can be a daunting task for some. Going back to college as an adult is not the simplest task. Finding financial help is sometimes hard to do, child care, and just time to do home work can be a real challenge.

So now days along with the house chores, there's single parenting challenges, struggling with learning a new lifestyle all while learning a new career. (and a date now and then)

the unemployed housewife

Being a housewife is a career choice for some women. We give up college, career and spur of the moment freedom to settle down, be mom to kids, be the keeper of the home, doer of the laundry, dishes, floors, lover of the husband, balancer of the books, driver, cook, teacher, comforter, doctors assistant. To some women being a housewife is a pleasure and pride, contributing to the world by always being home for the kids when they need her, being companion for her spouse and taking care of the home chores. It’s more than a full time job, it’s a lifetime job. The chores never end but that’s ok. The demands never end but that’s ok too. We don’t get paid, we don’t get sick days or paid vacation, we’ll never see a retirement plan; if we’re lucky our spouse will have good life insurance so we won’t be left without when he dies. We become dependent on our spouse to provide for us.

Being a housewife wasn’t my career of choice growing up. I spent a year in college earning general ed. credits, and then spent another year in college studying horses (horse breeding and stable management) my goal was to cowboy on some ranch and eventually become a horse trainer and breeder. Well love got in the way of that dream. I met a boy and together we started a family. I was always a firm believer in the mom’s place was in the home, so once we had our first child that was the end of my paid employment days. I wasn’t a natural housewife or mother but I took my job seriously and learned both (lots of trial and error). I learned the art of making a great meal, learned that sometimes you have to scrub the kitchen floor on your hands and knees if you want it clean. Learned that bleach should be used in less than moderation unless you wanted to toss out whatever you were cleaning. Learning to be a housewife and mom isn’t something you take college classes for, hopefully you had a mom to teach you the ropes growing up but for me all I learned from my mom was what NOT to do.

So here I am. Divorced. Nearly 8yrs of being nothing more than a home maker, mom and wife. I’m no longer the wife, I am still the home maker and mom but without the spouse working and bringing home the bacon I’m literally unemployed. Of course my need to stay home and raise my kids is still upmost on my list of responsibilities. It’s a sticky place to be in, like anyone who’s unemployed you wonder how you’re going to make ends meet, how long you’ll be unemployed, if your next job will be as good or better and you hope to not let down those who depend on you.

So this is me. An unemployed housewife working to make ends meet, find a better job than the previous one and hoping not to let my kids down in the mean time.